Christmas Blues

First of all, Merry Christmas Everyone!!! 

My Christmas was rather interesting. As an employee at Walgreens, (oh the joy) my store was open, but since it wasn't a 24 hour store we were only open from 8 am to 6 pm. Which wasn't too bad, plus they had split the day into 2 groups those who would work the first 5.5 hours and those who would work the next 5.5 hours. I got the second shift.

Which meant I was fortunate enough to spend the morning with friends and family, unwrapping presents and then going to our close family friends for pancake breakfast. 

I didn't ask for much this Christmas, because there wasn't much I needed or even wanted; meaning all I wanted was clothes and a pair of boots. So by no means did I have a bad Christmas, despite having to work it really wasn't bad.

Anyway, the real reason I wanted to write today was because lately I've found myself wanting to avoid Facebook, especially my news feed. Crazy right?! 
Maybe it's because I'm lonely, or feel like all my friends are getting married, or engaged, or having babies, or even just got a boy friend... Ya know those cute Christmas pictures they take together kissing in front of the tree etc.

But not me. Nope I'm still single and dates are far and few between. Probably because I'm always working or doing something. But I can't take it anymore. The news feed is driving me crazy. I'm becoming that lonely, bitter person who is always busy working. :/ and that is so not me!

Well in attempt to fix the problem, I'm trying to acquire a new job due to the fact that work is wondering when I'm leaving for BYU... not realizing that I'm not leaving because I was not accepted for the winter semester. New job = less busy??? maybe...

At times it is great being single and others it is plain awful like when your ex's randomly to all text you and inform you that you are missed. And you find yourself reminding your brain and heart that there is a reason they are an ex. And no matter how lonely you get not to get back with them. 
But the holidays are especially difficult trying to remember that, especially when all you want to do is cuddle up with someone, or just to give gifts to that special someone. But you can't because you are all alone. And the "couples holidays" are all back to back... Christmas, New Years, and then Valentines day... what the heck! 

Or the worst case of loneliness, at least for me, is when you are crushing hardcore on this one person, go on a date with this person and they are even more amazing... only to find out that their schedule is even busier than yours and that dates will be far and few between.... and my brain tells me that I might as well be single.. UGH!!!

The struggles of being a hardworking 20 year old... working full time and going to school full time all while wanting to have a social life....  

Then I try to remind myself that in the end things will all work out and that what I give up now, will balance out in the end... But the end looks really far away... much like a race or a marathon, I feel like I've either just barely made it halfway or am not quite there and the finish line is out of sight and a long way off....